Our boy Murray shows Johnny Foreigner “what-for” at French Open
EUROTRASH, Antoine de Caunes, Tuesday (NNN) — The great Scottish British English tennis ace Andy Murray stunned observers with his brilliant moral victory over the Spaniard Chilean Fernando González at...
View ArticleGreen landslide in Euro elections
BOLGIAS 8 AND 9, Brussels, Wednesday — Given the choice of thieves and/or liars, neo-Nazis, palaeo-Nazis and plain gibbering nutters, those voters who bothered with the 2009 European Parliament...
View ArticleSony unveils less huge PlayStation 3
GAMESCOM, Ichiyaga Camp, Tuesday (NNGadget) — Sony is releasing the new PlayStation 3 Slim across Europe in early September, in the hope that anyone will remember the PS3 still exists. The new...
View ArticleRow as Daniel Hannan praises Hitler
THE MEMORY HOLE, Wolverhampton South West, Thursday (NNN) — Labour has criticised Tory MEP Daniel Hannan for citing Adolf Hitler in an interview. Mr Hannan told Randroid magazine that the 1930s German...
View ArticleMicrosoft surrenders Windows perpetrators on television
KARADZIC, Seattle, Tuesday (NNN) — Microsoft has commenced its “Windows 7 Was My Idea” campaign, a series of TV advertisements required of it after its conviction in the International Computer Criminal...
View ArticleHitler apologises for MP analogy e-mail
DAS BUNKER, Westminster, Monday — Adolf Hitler has apologised for any “upset” caused by a “clumsily” worded e-mail, comparing his treatment to that of MPs over their expenses. Mr Hitler, the Chancellor...
View ArticleChocolate reduces chocolate manufacturers’ stress
VEVEY, Suisse, Friday (NNN) — A small bar of dark chocolate a day helps keep stress at bay, say researchers at Nestlé, particularly the stress of chocolate manufacturers looking at sales figures....
View ArticleEuropean Union renamed “Greater Belgium”
BRUSSELS, Belgian Empire, Thursday (NNN) — The Imperial Belgian Regime has concluded the first stage of its revival with the coronation of Herman van Rompuy as Imperator and Father of All Europe. “I...
View ArticleShroud of Turin proven genuine after Large Hadron Collider switched on
SEVENTH IMPOSSIBLE THING, Vatican City, Friday (NNN) — A Vatican researcher claims to have proven the Shroud of Turin genuine, shortly after the Large Hadron Collider achieved a half-circuit proton...
View ArticleHoly See declares “unique copyright” on priestly molestations
DOPE ON A ROPE, Rome, Saturday (NTN) — The Vatican® has stated that the rape© of children by Catholic™ priests is protected by a “special and unique” copyright, and anyone attempting to discuss the...
View ArticlePolanski thanks supporters of drug rape as extradition wait continues
HUMBERT, Switzerland, Friday (NTN) — Roman Polanski has thanked creepy rape apologists worldwide in his battle to avoid extradition to the US for the artistically necessary 1977 drug rape of a...
View ArticleNeanderthals “died of makeup”
ANSWERS IN REVELATION, Bob Jones University, Sunday (NTN) — American Conservative archaeologists have unearthed evidence that Neanderthals wore makeup and jewelry, directly leading to their moral...
View ArticleSuccessor to MP3 does less, worse, at higher price
KOMPUTERWELT, Trans Europe Excess, Monday (NTN) — Karlheinz Brandenburg, the 1990 inventor of MP3, has come up with its successor format, MusicDNA, which is the same except it doesn’t work because of...
View ArticleNokia frees Symbian code, three or four overjoyed
HEY HEY 16K, Need To Know, Thursday (Big K) — Nokia, through the Symbian Foundation, has made the code for the Symbian smartphone OS open source, putting several aging geeks in raptures of delight....
View ArticleBrown condemns Iceland over terrorist volcanoes
ALÞING, Heathrow, Thursday (NTN) — Prime Minister Gordon Brown has condemned Iceland’s terrorist attack on British air travel and their refusal to refund tourists’ air tickets. The UK government used...
View ArticlePope comes out as deep-cover atheist
HOLY CRAP, Vatican City, Monday (NTN) — Joseph Ratzinger has resigned as Pope and revealed his rôle as a deep-cover atheist operative, who worked many decades to discredit the Catholic Church. “I’m...
View ArticlePlagiarism is not plagiarism, says plagiarist
LA CARTE, Le territoire, Wednesday (Le Monde Petit) — Michel Houellebecq has angrily denounced as “incompetents” anyone noticing that large chunks of his latest novel Messieurs, démarrez vos...
View ArticleEurope simulates total cyber war
WEB 0.1, Cyberspice, Saturday (NTN) — The European Union has run a simulated “cyber attack,” in which simulated outsourcing companies strike mortal blows upon national budgets for consulting fees for...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Artists’ beards evolved to be “structurally different”
WELL I NEVER, The Train, commuter time (Metro) — A ridiculously small study in evolutionary psychology has found artists’ beards to be unique in the animal kingdom. The study, published in the Journal...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Nestlé to mulch only organic, non-GMO babies from 2015
VEVEY, Suisse, Thursday (NTN) — Nestlé will be removing all artificial flavours and colours, like Red 40, Yellow 5 and Screaming Agony 666, from its chocolate candy products by the end of 2015,...
View Article
